Monday, December 22, 2008
If ever i have had a gay moment the worst one and most embarrassing happened on Saturday night. I have been obsessed with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders for a while now. More specifically I have been obsessed with the CMT show making the team the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. It showcases the trials and hard work from the the initial audition process, to training camp, and ultimately those who make it and those who are cut. It can be harsh to see a girl who weighs 100 pounds be cut because she doesn't look good in the uniform, or to see a girl who does not have the appropriate verbal skills to represent the team be cut as well. The team is run by Kelli Finglass, a former cheerleader herself. She runs a tight ship and cuts girls for different reasons. One of these reasons is part of my obsession. The famous high kick line. The girls line up and kick a series of high kicks that end in a jump split. Yes i said a jump split. Its amazing. Well, I decided on Saturday that I would try and replicate this kick line with the help of my loving patient partner. I figured why not, it was snowing outside, i was bored, and i was determined to see just how high my leg could go. We were standing in the kitchen and I asked him to lift his hand so i would have a point to focus on. I put my hands on my hips and in my head played the song Simply Irresistible, this what they kick to on the show. Then I counted 1,2,3,4 and kicked my right leg up as high and hard as I could to reach his hand. As if in slow motion my left foot slipped on the kitchen tile and I watched my partners face turn to fear as I slowly fell backward. As I fell a thought came to mind, I might die of a head injury. If I die then my partner would have to explain to the police, my family, and my friends that I had died of an injury sustained from practicing the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader kick line. It would be in all the gay papers, and be part of my eulogy. They would have to find a huge casket to put me in to fit my leg that was stuck over my head. Then as I hit the floor I thought it might not be so bad. Kelli Finglass would hear about it and send the cheerleaders to my funeral to do the kick line in front of my over sized casket as a tribute to me. That would have been cool. Well I was okay, I landed hard but nothing broke, and I looked to see my partners face fighting back a laugh until he knew I was okay. Thank God I did not try the jump split.