I'm Hungry

I have been spending the better part of the week dieting. After many weeks of binging on fatty foods and ice cream I have begun to notice that when I take off my underwear a red mark stays imprinted on my skin. This is not good. Although I'm fairly comfortable with my weight I cannot let myself get to the point where I have a permanent tattoo around my waist that says BVD. I am going about the diet the right way. I bought tons of healthy food and I make sure to eat breakfast everyday.This also is not good. Instead of a heaping bowl of creamy smooth delicious ice cream I eat little tiny containers of yogurt. Instead of a greasy tasty cheeseburger I eat a bland dry turkey burger. Instead of a large wonderful peperoni pizza, which by the way I would run over a good friend with my car for, I eat a whole wheat lean pocket with pizza flavoring. Instead of being happy I am mad and hungry. Why did man have to invent Hostess Twinkies? Who came up with idea or pouring nacho cheese on tortilla chips and piling it with ground beef, guacamole, and sour cream, and why does it taste so good? Why do all the foods that taste the best have to be so bad for our waistlines? Sure you can all fool yourselves into thinking that soy milk tastes just like regular milk, or a stick of celery is just as satisfying as a candy bar, but your all wrong. It doesn't taste the same people, it never will! I don't want to eat baked chicken for dinner, I want fried chicken. Juicy crisp fried chicken I tell you. The kind that burns your mouth when you first bite into it, and grease trickles down your chin. The kind of fried chicken that crunches in your mouth as you chew. The kind you eat with a heaping steaming plate of mashed potatoes and gravy (and a biscuit). Excuse me while I go suck on an ice cube.